Time

Time is so relative. Sometimes I feel as though it is going so slow and other days it goes by so fast. I am trying hard to enjoy the little things. I am trying hard to complain less. I am trying hard to enjoy the simple moments. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I am so excited to be the mom of this little angel inside me. He is a wiggler and I already know that he is going to be a mover and a doer. I am so happy about that. He will keep us busy and active. I know that he will be the best thing that has happened to Aaron and I. These moments we have been waiting for since we made the decision to start our family. It is crazy that it has taken so long but I see our journey now as a huge learning experience. I know that sounds so cliche, but looking back I do. I know I was ready a long time ago to be a mom but the lord knew of the lessons we needed to learn first. It is a path that I don't know if I would choose again but I must say this: This is the path the lord has given me. He knows better then I do. I make my choices based on feelings and faith. I am grateful for all my angel babies, they remind me that we are never promised tomorrow. I am grateful that I am eager to be a mom. I hunger for it. I am ready for it. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. It was hard to get to this point. I was angry for a long time. I felt shafted from the blessings of motherhood. I felt like I would never get to the point where I would feel those tiny kicks in my tummy or even to be able to get Aaron on the same page to adopt. I felt as though at certain times of my life that I was left alone. Not saying Aaron isn't there for me, but in my own mind I felt alone from my own insecurities and my own self loathing. I had to build my self esteem to feel loved in a whirlwind of loss. Now Aaron has been an amazing husband. We have had many adventures together. I can honestly say he is my best friend and really the only person I ever want to be mine forever. Ever. Those sweet words he utters to me every morning. I love you plus one more than you love me. He strives to put me first in everything and I know that he would do anything for me. I know that he will be an excellent example to our son and our future other children. I know that he will teach him so many things but I do know one thing for sure. By the way our son will see how his dad treats his mother, he will one day do the same for his wife. Now I am not saying its always perfect. We have had some rocky roads and we have had some super highs. Things happen the way they do for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand the reasons but we have to try hard not to lose what is important. We need to not lose ourselves in our self loathing. The past events of the last couple weeks have made me realize even more how important those good times are. Really this year has been a year of change in our families. There has been so much ups and down changes that I am finding that we need to make sure that we make time for those people in our lives whenever we can. We had a dear friend die, and it shook me to realize something that I already have known. We need to enjoy each day and enjoy the little things. We need to make sure we don't lose sight of whats really important in our lives. We need to take the unselfish path and do whats best for our family.  If you find the right one to spend your life with, they will do the same for you. We need to lose our self in the service of others. We need to try harder to serve those around us and take joy in just the feeling of being there for someone else. We need to grumble less. I am not saying you can't take a minute to scream and say WHY ME?! But remember that even in the saddest of moments there is beauty around us. We need to embrace it. We need to not take one day for granted. I am not sure how the saying goes but it is something like We are not promised tomorrow. So take charge of the present and make the best of it. One of my favorite movies says it best. "Try to live everyday as if it was the final day of your extraordinary, ordinary life." I am grateful for my Extraordinary, Ordinary life. I wouldn't change it for anything. I will live for the present and plan for our future. I am excited for what each day holds. I can't wait to hear those little words uttered from our sons mouth... Mom. 

Big Ultrasound

Well, Little Lincoln was a little wiggle worm today. It didn't help that I went for a walk this morning and I must have not left my bladder full enough. Lincoln is really high for 20 weeks and 5days. He is above my belly button. Silly boy. He is under some of my organs she said. SO it made it a little more difficult. We were able to see all his parts and make sure that everything is developing well. All 4 chambers of the heart are there, both kidneys are there, his spine looks good. He is almost a whole pound already. Wow. Just 1 oz shy. I was grateful to see everything. He was so wiggly and curled up at the same time that we couldn't get a good profile picture. The tech said that every baby that she had tried to see that day was being difficult and no one was able to see a good profile. She tried for a long  time. lol. She has been doing it for 28 years and she was really knowledgeable. I was grateful to her and thankful we got to see our little man.
(Video is coming. I haven't been able to get it to upload. Sorry)

Womb Music

WMUSIC

This is my new favorite device. I love this. I went a couple days without feeling Lincoln and it scared me. I am so happy for awesome technology! Now we can listen to our little man whenever we want. This really cool device  makes it so two people can listen at the same time and you can also play music for the baby. It is a great way to feel closer to your little one. I am so thankful for this little device it give me piece of mind. 

Friends Forever

We had so much fun meeting up with some of our life long friends. We don't always get the opportunity to see each other but when we do get together its like time stood still. I have so many wonderful memories of this fun family. I am so grateful for their examples in my life. They are all such wonderful moms. I can't wait to use some of the things I have learned from them and use those skills when we have our little Lincoln. Barbara taught me in preschool. She helped with the foundation in my education from the beginning. She is just like a second mom to me. I am so grateful for their family and mine and all they do for me. They also got Lincoln these cute outfits. So adorable. He will be such a stud in these. We are so thankful for the out pour of generosity from everyone. 

Daddys Love

Today, after I slept in a little, got 2 miles in, and ate breakfast, Aaron and I were catching up on some shows. I was sitting in an usual position for me where my tummy was rested across Aarons forearm. Little Lincoln was kicking or rolling. I had felt him stronger then I ever have before. He was moving. Aaron could feel him kicking for the first time. He just looked at me and smiled and said "I felt him." It was a precious moment for both of us. To share these magical and blessed moments are priceless to us. We are so thankful for every second.

Love from friends

I was able to go see and hangout with some of my co -workers. I miss them all so much. I don't realize it when I am not around them all the time anymore. Going on bed rest and then coming to the decision to quit my job was one of the hardest things I have had to do. They were such a great support to me and I am so grateful that we are all still and hopefully will always remain friends. It was so great to catch up and tell them all about Lincoln. :) He is going to be one loved little man. They gave me some flowers and money for a pedicure. They also gave me a cute card. Cards are my favorite. Our other dear friend Shannon made this cute card as well. They just cheer me up.  I am so grateful for the good friends in my life. I will try hard to never take them for grated. 

Cheers to better sleep

So I  don't know about you guys but I sleep on my back. It has been a little difficult for me to get used to sleeping on my side. I have put pillows all around me and one between my legs and I cannot get comfortable. Now I am not complaining. I am very happy about the reason I cannot sleep on my back. I am just having a hard time adjusting to my new sleep style. I have been doing research on various sleep pillows and they are very pricey. Now I think they are totally worth it. Currently I don't have the money to purchase a pillow. There are many other things we are saving for. So I got on my favorite site, Pinterest, and started looking for more affordable options for myself at this time. I found a few that I really liked and modeled my pattern after. I do not currently have a zipper in this pillow I made but I plan to put one in later on the top seam. This only cost me $10 in extra stuffing that I didn't already have. It isn't perfect like the professionally made pillows you see online. I do feel like last night was the first night I got a better nights sleep. I am so happy I just took one of the sheets I currently do not use and found the patterns I liked. I combined them and came up with this. I love the round curve in the pillow. It makes it easier for my legs to wrap around it and the middle shape is perfect to envelope me while I sleep. Making it so that I am not waking to find myself lying on my back. It is also big enough to be great through my entire pregnancy. Cheers to better sleep.