Time is so relative. Sometimes I feel as though it is going so slow and other days it goes by so fast. I am trying hard to enjoy the little things. I am trying hard to complain less. I am trying hard to enjoy the simple moments. I am so grateful to be where I am today. I am so excited to be the mom of this little angel inside me. He is a wiggler and I already know that he is going to be a mover and a doer. I am so happy about that. He will keep us busy and active. I know that he will be the best thing that has happened to Aaron and I. These moments we have been waiting for since we made the decision to start our family. It is crazy that it has taken so long but I see our journey now as a huge learning experience. I know that sounds so cliche, but looking back I do. I know I was ready a long time ago to be a mom but the lord knew of the lessons we needed to learn first. It is a path that I don't know if I would choose again but I must say this: This is the path the lord has given me. He knows better then I do. I make my choices based on feelings and faith. I am grateful for all my angel babies, they remind me that we are never promised tomorrow. I am grateful that I am eager to be a mom. I hunger for it. I am ready for it. I am grateful for the lessons I have learned. It was hard to get to this point. I was angry for a long time. I felt shafted from the blessings of motherhood. I felt like I would never get to the point where I would feel those tiny kicks in my tummy or even to be able to get Aaron on the same page to adopt. I felt as though at certain times of my life that I was left alone. Not saying Aaron isn't there for me, but in my own mind I felt alone from my own insecurities and my own self loathing. I had to build my self esteem to feel loved in a whirlwind of loss. Now Aaron has been an amazing husband. We have had many adventures together. I can honestly say he is my best friend and really the only person I ever want to be mine forever. Ever. Those sweet words he utters to me every morning. I love you plus one more than you love me. He strives to put me first in everything and I know that he would do anything for me. I know that he will be an excellent example to our son and our future other children. I know that he will teach him so many things but I do know one thing for sure. By the way our son will see how his dad treats his mother, he will one day do the same for his wife. Now I am not saying its always perfect. We have had some rocky roads and we have had some super highs. Things happen the way they do for a reason. Sometimes we don't understand the reasons but we have to try hard not to lose what is important. We need to not lose ourselves in our self loathing. The past events of the last couple weeks have made me realize even more how important those good times are. Really this year has been a year of change in our families. There has been so much ups and down changes that I am finding that we need to make sure that we make time for those people in our lives whenever we can. We had a dear friend die, and it shook me to realize something that I already have known. We need to enjoy each day and enjoy the little things. We need to make sure we don't lose sight of whats really important in our lives. We need to take the unselfish path and do whats best for our family. If you find the right one to spend your life with, they will do the same for you. We need to lose our self in the service of others. We need to try harder to serve those around us and take joy in just the feeling of being there for someone else. We need to grumble less. I am not saying you can't take a minute to scream and say WHY ME?! But remember that even in the saddest of moments there is beauty around us. We need to embrace it. We need to not take one day for granted. I am not sure how the saying goes but it is something like We are not promised tomorrow. So take charge of the present and make the best of it. One of my favorite movies says it best. "Try to live everyday as if it was the final day of your extraordinary, ordinary life." I am grateful for my Extraordinary, Ordinary life. I wouldn't change it for anything. I will live for the present and plan for our future. I am excited for what each day holds. I can't wait to hear those little words uttered from our sons mouth... Mom.
